Festivus 2008

I'd like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus from our great friends at The Human Fund.

Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders

Oh for shame Ernest Borgnine. Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders is perhaps, at best, borderline in what I'd consider a film. The film, is actually two short stories "told" by Borgnine, to his "grandkid."

The first short story is about a arrogant critic that, skeptical about Merlin's "newly open" shop in the middle of Los Angles, is given a book of spells. Knowing that the critic is an asshole, Merlin's realizes that the guy will abuse his new found power. For about 20 minutes of the film, we see the guy try new spells, boring the viewer half to death.

When the guy starts to look like Alastair Sim (from the best version of 'A Christmas Carol'), we, along with him, realize that he's aging due to magic. The story comes to a silly conclusion when he figures out a way to reverse the spell.

The film itself calls out it's simplistic storytelling with Borgnine's "grandkid" who easily explains that the foreshadowing that appears earlier in the story would be clear enough to an idiot.

The second story, about a devil monkey toy is equally silly, especially since the original film it's from was clearly filmed in the 70s.

The film, without the assistance of MST3k, is nearly unwatchable.

*/*****

Pod People (Los Nuevos extraterrestres)

Originally, a horror film, the production and distribution took a wild turn when E.T. proved to be a huge success. Instead of a film about evil space aliens, with mediocre costumes and bad acting, we're stuck with a bad story about (some) evil space aliens, a stupid subplot about a child with no social skills, bad acting, and still with mediocre costumes.

The film was actually recorded in both English and Spanish. I can only assume that many takes taken from the Spanish version, as there are many instances where the dubbing is 'off'. With the little child, the dubbing is off the entire time, obviously dubbed by someone else. If that was actually that child's voice, I feel extremely sorry for him.

The film starts with opening credits that don't actually take place in the film itself. It opens with poachers looking for illegal game in the woods. An alien craft crashes, and eventually one of them ends up upon the crash site. He proceeds to inexplicably crack all the eggs, and is promptly killed.

The rest of the film is about a "super star" musician, with his friends recording his next "hit" song with his entourage, end up deciding to go camping in the woods. Well soon enough, the film takes the next logical turn, with the aliens attacking the musician's group, the poachers, and everyone else involved. Add in a stupid child and a "cute" alien that somehow isn't evil like the rest of them, and you have this film.

What do I think about it? IT STINKS.

*/*****

Christmas 2008: My Name is Earl

Majel Barrett-Roddenberry RIP

It has been reported that Majel Barrett, the widow of Gene Roddenberry, creator of Star Trek has passed away at the age of 76.

She provided the computer voice throughout all six Star Trek television series and several of the feature films along with playing Christine Chapel and the character Number One in Star Trek's original series, as well as Lwaxana Troi on Star Trek: TNG and Star Trek: DS9.

Blasphemy?

RIP Bettie Page

It has come to my attention that 50s pinup Bettie Page has passed away December 11th.

Its a Trap!

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I guess they may need to scan some items...