Friday, December 21, 2007

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" was by far one of the most bizarre films I've seen in ages. Filled with childish whimsy, and almost an innocence from all involved, it's hard to be totally cruel to this film.

Wait, what am I saying? This film was an utter piece of garbage! Corny to the max, it's plotting is even bizarre, and if I might say, insulting to even the children it's marketed to.

The plot involves Martians who want to "bring Santa Clause" to Mars to give their Children some Christmas cheer. Enough for you? No? Well so instead of doing some work themselves to make their children less like automatons, they decide to take Santa away from Earth (at his most active time of the year I might add).

The best part is while they mock the stupid humans "primitive" cities and general lack of technological sophistication, they're completely incapable of discovering the location of Santa's workshop, even though they had previously been watching a "news report" (by a guy who looks like Rip Taylor) at the North Pole. The Martians are completely thrown off by the "numerous" number of Santas who are roaming around the planet. So, like all logical advanced and intelligent people, they find some kids to answer their questions for them. Enter Billy and Betty.

The kids are kidnapped, along with Santa Clause, and wisked along to Mars without haste. Apparently this is not any good for a considerably small portion of the population, which vow to get rid of Santa Clause to keep the purity of bland, stale martian children around.

You'd think with such a rigid society they would not suffer the bumbling fool, Dropo, "The laziest man on Mars," who has a schedule that consists of sitting around, sleeping, and watching Earth television (don't you know that stuff will rot your mind?).

* out of *****

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