12 Days of Christmas: The Avengers

Too Many Christmas Trees is an episode of the Avengers, the classic 1960s british detective and spy show staring Diana Rigg as Emma Peel and Patick Macnee as John Steed.

Too Many Christmas Trees doesn't contain a lot of "Christmas" in the story, but is set in December, with Steed and Mrs. Peel traveling to a Christmas party. The story mainly consists of a group of people who are trying to psychically control John Steed's actions. The story heavily involves Dickens, with notable instances of "A Christmas Carol" being introduced into the story during the Christmas party.

The episode deviates slightly from the normal formula that the show normally revolves around, where the team is brought in to solve a case or mystery. The story involves an organization going after Steed himself. The episode prior to this "Two's a Crowd" also follows this same formula.

The Prisoner

The Prisoner: Checkmate

Hour Six of The Prisoner remake, Checkmate, is the final hour of the third night's Prisoner episode. The Prisoner remake stars Jim Caviezel and Ian McKellen as Number Six and Number Two.

Checkmate is trippy. The only thing this could have made this more complicated and bizarre would have been a speech by Kenneth Griffith in the final episode of the original series. Or a rendition of "Dry Bones" and a gun fight to the tune of "All You Need Is Love." Will have to think and let the story sink in before passing final judgment. I really don't know.

The title is also the title of original series episode, "Checkmate," though it bears no resemblance to it. It's more similar in tone with "Once Upon a Time" and "Fall Out."

*** 1/2 out of *****

The Prisoner: Schizoid

Hour Five of The Prisoner remake, Schizoid, is the first hour of the third night's Prisoner episode. The Prisoner remake stars Jim Caviezel and Ian McKellen as Number Six and Number Two.

Following 4-15's death, Six seeks out Two and announces his intentions of revenge.

313's dreams continue. The following day Six tries to confide in 313 about how devistated he is at the loss of 4-15. 313 claims that Six was at her house the previous night and is annoyed as to why he appears upset now when he wasn't just hours earlier. Six is confused as to why she, and others claim to have seen him in places he wasn't, or in conversations he doesn't recall having. Could there be another Six? Two announces an imposer Two in The Villages midst. M2 and 11-12 reconnect for a short time while M2 is off drugs.

The conversation between the shop owner and Two is probably the best yet. The episode's eventual revelation at the end is an interesting twist. The show is really coming together.

The title is a shortened version of the original series title, "The Schizoid Man," though it only bears a slight resemblance to it. Next up, "Checkmate." One hour to go.

**** out of *****

The Prisoner: Darling

Hour Four of The Prisoner remake, Darling, is the second hour of the second night's Prisoner episode. The Prisoner remake stars Jim Caviezel and Ian McKellen as Number Six and Number Two.

Six is convinced to try a dating service, at the Modern Love Bureau. He isn't willing to take part in the scheme, until he recognizes the woman who had been matched to him, 4-15, who looks exactly Lucy, a female he knew in New York.

A plot point carried over from the previous episode, Two shows 11-12 a large sinkhole in the ground, which is dismissed as something due to the weather. Another sinkhole appears outside 147's house. Both Six and 313 wonder what the hole really may be. 832, 147's daughter, falls into the hole.

Six falls in love with 4-15, but is this love too good to be true?

And remember: "Keep a Pig for Stability."

The title is a shortened version of the original series title, "Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling," though it only bears no resemblance to it. Next up, "Schizoid."

*** out of *****

The Prisoner: Anvil

Hour Three of The Prisoner remake, Anvil, is the first hour of the second night's Prisoner episode. The Prisoner remake stars Jim Caviezel and Ian McKellen as Number Six and Number Two.

The title is a shortened version of the original series title, "Hammer Into Anvil," though it only bears a marginal resemblance to it. It has more similarities to "It's Your Funeral" and "Free For All."

This episode has Two assigning Six to work with 909, a village spy. Six knows it's a trap and Two knows that Six knows it is a trap, even addressing it as such. Six accepts the role, trying to find the right angle to play it at. Six and 909 are assigned to investigate 1955, a history teacher. Six takes a teaching position as a surveillance teacher.

Six finds surveillance equipment on 313's roof and Two finds surveillance equipment in his house. 909 suspects Six, with Two suspecting his son, 11-12, could possibly be spying. 313 begins to doubt her own memories and starts to open up more to Six.

This episode is far more original than the first two, and the homages to the original show appear to be diminishing. At the very least the imagery is top-notch and I'm starting to put comparisons to the quality of this series compared to the original on the back burner. We'll see how well "Darling" is.

*** 1/2 out of *****

The Prisoner: Harmony

Hour Two of The Prisoner remake, Harmony, is the second hour of the first night's Prisoner episode. The Prisoner remake stars Jim Caviezel and Ian McKellen as Number Six and Number Two.

It opens with Six lying in the desert. Seagulls. He is found and brought back to the village, where Two and the Clinic staff try and convince that a man, Sixteen, is Six's brother. When Six denies it, 16 produces a picture of the two of them as boys. Two suggests Six go to therapy. Not convinced with any of the evidence presented supporting this claim, he never the less goes along with the charade, presumably because it's easier than fighting at the moment. Six continues to spend time with his "brother" over the next few days, coming across "ruins" (a boat anchor and a old train station) which are dismissed by the locals but only embolden Six's belief in escape. He's convinced that he's not related to Sixteen, and that the entire ploy is an illusion, but he starts to question his own memory. Almost convinced, he begins to crack, unsure what to believe.

End Episode.

I'm not sure I liked this hour as much as the first one, probably because I'm still trying to compare it to the original series. There's just no comparison. While Battlestar Galactica was dated cheese, the original Prisoner has held up (costumes and technology notwithstanding) with deep psychological, allegorical themes. It's not bad and is certainly opening up the series to a completely different kind of mythos and reality than the original series had. I'm not sure if I'm liking the overuse of character numbers-as-names, considering most of the time the original never used "names" - usually with conversations just directed toward a character.

Nore sure if I like how they "explained" what he did and (worked for a private company) or why they actually had him really really allude to why he resigned, worried that it's going down the "evil corporation conglomerates" route. Not sure if I like Two having a family either. Again, I'm trying to compare this to the original. I need to stop. We'll see if it happens in the next installment, "Anvil."

*** out of *****

The title is a shortened version of the original series title, "Living in Harmony," though it only bears a marginal resemblance to it.

The Prisoner: Arrival

Well, it's arrived. The Prisoner remake staring Jim Caviezel and Ian McKellen as Number Six and Number Two has aired and I've finally caught the first episode.

The series, or should I say mini-series, is based off the wildly popular cult classic, The Prisoner, staring Patrick McGoohan. I've been on a massive Prisoner kick lately, dressing up as Number Six for a Halloween party, and flying through 15 of the 17 episodes as of writing this on my newly purchased Blu-Ray set of the series so this new show couldn't have come at a better time.

What I observed was an interesting adaptation of the series in "Arrival," the first hour of the new mini-series. There are many homages, some subtle, some overtly obvious throughout the first hour.

The first hour concerns us with Six, a man who wakes up in the middle of a desert under mysterious, and is there due to circumstances unknown to him. As he begins to get his bearings, he sees an old man (dressed in a costume reminiscent of the original series) who is being shot at. He's able to rescue the man, who is gravely injured from fatigue. He's happy to "escape" and tells Six to "go to 554" before he dies. Six wanders into the Village, confused and unaware of exactly where he is. The locals he runs into, a taxi driver (played by Lennie James of "Jericho" fare) and then later Number 313 (played by Ruth Wilson) only add to his confusion. Two (McKellen) enters the picture and Six finally collapses. He wakes up in the hospital, but is told he is allowed to leave. When asked if he could leave the town, he's essentially told there that there is nothing else out there. He befriends 554, who is later killed in a bombing of her cafe - she tells him to head out into the desert. He finally makes a break towards the desert, where Rover attacks him and leaves him passed out on a dune.

End Episode.

*** 1/2 out of *****

On a side note, they wrapped up filming on my birthday last year.

Matt Helm remake? By Spielberg?

I've just read on Cinematical that Steven Spielberg might be making a 'Matt Helm' film.

I've previously reviewed The Silencers and Murderers' Row, and have been meaning to cover the last two films that, well were pretty forgettable and very awful.

I am under the assumption that a remake will remain a campy, comedic spoof like the Dean Martin films were like. While I haven't read the books, I know that the films were nothing like the books. They were serious, not "silly."

The films were even less like a James Bond adaptation, where at least a Bond film would use some plot points and many of the characters - albeit used in a largely different capacity.

The only way to restart the franchise would be to start over and stick close to the source material. There are 27 published books to choose from, it can't be that hard. Do it right and you have a viable franchise that could last years.

Burn After Reading

Burn After Reading is another entry into the bizarre and twisted world of the Cohen Brother. Unlike No Country For Old Men, this film is more in line with the dark humor present in Fargo and Barton Fink. However, with that said, this film is not the hilarious, "funny" film that they advertised it as. Don't get me wrong, there are funny moments - but it just goes to show how well a film can be edited down to when they're coming up with a trailer.

The movie is dark. The situations are absurd, silly and much larger than life would allow them to be in reality.

The characters are really what sell the film. The interaction they have between each other is complex, intricate. The mundane existences they exist in is turned into something outrageous and over the top.

The film stars John Malkovich as CIA analyst Osbourne Cox, George Clooney as Harry Pfarrer, Frances McDormand as Linda Litzke, Brad Pitt as Chad Feldheimer, Tilda Swinton as Katie Cox, and Richard Jenkins as Ted Treffon.

The plot revolves around Osbourne Cox (Malkovich) who quits his job at the CIA in the first few moments of the movie, his wife Katie (Swinton) who is having an affair with Harry Pfarrer (Clooney), who is also dating people on the side. Linda Litzke (McDormand)is one of those people. Linda works with Chad Feldheimer (Pitt) who both are trying to blackmail Osbourne with "top secret" files that they found at the gym they both work at.

I thought the film was pretty enjoyable and had a wonderful time trying to figure out what would happen next. The cast did a wonderful job in their roles and appeared to have a wonderful time making the film. And as someone who lives in the DC area, they did a relatively good job with the geography of the area - far better than 24's dartboard attempt.

*** 1/2 out of *****

Murderers' Row

In this second Matt Helm installment, we begin to see the law of diminishing returns kick in. The Silencers already began to show signs of a faltering franchise, and that was only the first film!

Again, like its predecessor, Dean Martin appears to love his job. He’s effectively playing himself. He appears to does what he wants and at times I wouldn’t have been surprised if he just ad libbed the entire role himself. Of course he didn’t but he pulls off his performance that way.

Obviously Dean returns in this film to portray Matt Helm. Joining him in this adventure is Ann-Margret, as Suzie, a woman that gets mixed up in whatever nonsensical plot Helm is pursuing. James Gregory returns again as MacDonald.

I have been sitting here for about 20 minutes and have been unable to sum up this film any better than the summary provided on IMDb:

The handsome top agent Matt dies a tragic death in his bath tub - the women mourn about the loss. However it's just faked for his latest top-secret mission: He shall find Dr. Solaris, inventor of the Helium laser beam, powerful enough to destroy a whole continent. It seems Dr. Solaris has been kidnapped by a criminal organization.

That pretty much says it all.

Out of the entire film, I found the opening title probably was the best part of the entire film. Unfortunately that’s saying something. The film is like a train wreck, but it's a fun one to look at.

Next up, The Ambushers.

** 1/2 out of *****

The Silencers

Oh Matt Helm. I usually don’t start my reviews in such a way, but what an awful movie series this turned out to be. I’ve watched all four of the Matt Helm films over the last week, and frankly this one’s the best. And it's not great. The Silencers is the first of four spy spoof films that star Dean Martin as the character, Matt Helm. He plays a part-time agent for ICE (Intelligence and Counter Espionage), where he receives the occasional assignment from.

The films have little in common with their book counterparts, though The Silencers is one of the better attempts during the 60s at a good spy film to spoof the success of James Bond. Our Man Flint is a movie in its own category, where the films themselves are spoofs of the genre, but James Coburn plays it almost completely straight. Dino does not take the same route in this film or the subsequent sequels.

This film is full of meta-jokes, constant mugging for the camera and audience, and cracks about how bad Frank Sinatra music is compared to Dean Martin music. Much of the soundtrack is sung by Dino himself.

There’s not much of a plot here, so I should be able to sum it up in a brief sentence. The bad guys from the Bureau of International Government and Order (BIG O) want to start WWIII.

The main bad guys are played by Victor Buono, Robert Webber, Arthur O'Connell, and Roger C. Carmel (Harry Mudd!). They all play up their roles, with Buono in fake Chinese makeup akin to the old Charlie Chan films. James Gregory (Ursus in Beneath the Planet of the Apes and Sen. Iselin in The Manchurian Candidate) plays MacDonald, head of ICE.

Helm’s partner in this spy film is played by Daliah Lavi. Other “Helm Women” are Cyd Charisse and Stella Stevens. Charisse, performs in the second half of the opening credits singing the song "The Silencer" during the opening credits.

If you know what you’re getting into, the film isn’t bad. If you’re completely oblivious and believe that this is anything other than a corny, cheesy spoof, where Dino breaks character multiple times and where the plot doesn’t make a lick of sense, this film isn’t for you. If you didn’t like this one, the rest definitely aren’t for you.

** 1/2 out of *****

Quantum of Solace: The Review

Well, I was able to see the film in an Advance Screening on the wet and dreary Thursday night in Washington DC. Not exactly an "event" as I've been to other films - but far better than the lackluster opening showing I saw the last installment of Indiana Jones - where it was just a bunch of people treating it like any old movie. Some people were dressed up in tuxes and others in dresses. It actually felt like I was headed into something important.

Then the lights finally dim after sitting in the theater for close to an hour, and the only freaking trailer we get is "Seven Pounds," a blatant 'Oscar grab' film starring Will Smith. No Star Trek trailer, no Watchmen trailer, no Harry Potter trailer. Ugh, oh well. The movie started quickly.

The film was slightly "dark" and "brutal" if you're comparing the film to one of the more jokey Bond films, like from the Moore era. The film was no darker than some eariler Bond excursions such as Licence to Kill, From Russia With Love, or Casino Royale.

Personally I think the criticism should be more on the critics then the film itself as the critics have decided what "makes" a Bond film - gadgets, cars, and "women." I assume by women that they mean multiple girls that Bond can bed easily with a few off hand double entendres thrown in there for good measure. But I digress.

It's quite interesting that those three things that always get brought up (gadgets, cars and women) - but what about Bond? I see the critics comparisons to Jason Borune, though I don't see the extreme shift that they're supposedly seeing. My only serious complaint was the positioning of the camera for many of the action sequences. Far too close to the action, which made it hard to completely process while viewing.

The only other criticism I have with the film is the thin plot.

But frankly, on first impressions alone, I'll take this skimpy Bond over the likes of "The World is Not Enough", "Die Another Day", "The Man With the Golden Gun", and "You Only Live Twice."

007 days of Bond: Casino Royale

As I'm about to head out to see Quantum of Solace, I figured I'd round off the last of my seven top Bond films with Casino Royale. Borrowing a bit from an earlier review, Casino Royale is another film in a line of recent productions that have "reset" a original series, and not surprisingly most of them have been able to breath new life into the series.

An interesting part of the film is the way the film is structured, with four acts instead of three. In many ways, this probably is what caused so many people I know who talk about the film dragging on, even though I don't really see it.

And word to the wise, please avoid the "spoof" with every inch of your life. The film was directed by no less than 5 people and it's utter sh*t.


Drink your very own "Vesper" martini:

* Six parts Gordon's Gin
* Two parts vodka
* One part Kina Lillet

Shake over ice until well chilled, then strain into a deep goblet and garnish with a thin slice of lemon peel.

Guaranteed heart stopper! Err... maybe not.

Where will you be tonight?

007 days of Bond: From Russia With Love

After Bond became a smash hit with his first film, Dr. No, the ball was in the court of the producers to select the next film to be made. The novel, From Russia With Love, was one of President Kennedy's favorite books, so it was only logical to have this film be the second installment. The rest is history.

John Barry makes his first appearance as the composer of the film, which would prove to be the first of many - even David Arnold take a cue from him and keeps the same style of music for his films.

The plot is extremely simple. Bond is tasked with a mission to obtain a top secret code-breaking machine from the Russians. The spy organization introduced in Dr. No, SPECTRE, wants revenge for his meddling so they devise a plan for a Russian operative to seduce him to get incriminating evidence on him.

Extremely simple and straightforward. No silly "I'll destroy the world" scenarios, no over the top villians that do silly things. Sure Grant is strong, but he's not some superhuman.

Connery shows why he's the best Bond, he's more comfortable in the role the second time around, which allows him to stretch a little and grow, allowing us to really believe that he's who he says he is.

The supporting characters include Kronsteen (Vladek Sheybal), a brilliant tactician involved in SPECTRE; Rosa Klebb (Lotte Lenya), Number 3 in the organization; Red Grant (Robert Shaw), the hitman sent to dispose of Bond; Kerim Bey (Pedro Armendariz), Bond's friend and confidant in Istanbul; and last but not least, Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi), who plays the georgous Russian unknowingly chosen by SPECTRE to seduce Bond. This film marks the introduction of Desmond Llewelyn as Major Boothroyd, otherwise known as 'Q,' who replaced Peter Burton who appeared in Dr. No.

At times I feel that this is perhaps the best Bond film that they've made, hitting all the elements necessary for the subsequent 19 Bond films to be made, a credit normally given to Goldfinger.

007 days of Bond: On Her Majesty's Secret Service

On Her Majesty's Secret Service is George Lazenby's sole Bond adventure. What could have been has been speculated for the last 39 years. What his legacy has left is the best Bond adaptation ever.

The story follows Bond, determined to track down Ernst Stavro Blofeld, the leader of SPECTRE, once and for all. Frustrated in what he believes is M keeping him from the task he's set on partaking in, attempts to resign. Moneypenny convinces M to instead give him a leave of absence. Bond, on his own, tracks down Draco, the head of one of the most powerful crime syndicates in the world to inlist his help in tracking down Blofeld. To gain his support, he is force to court Draco's daughter, Contessa Teresa di Vicenzo, Tracy. It quickly becomes clear that Blofeld's intentions are extremely dangerous, and Bond must fight to stop him with any and all means necesary. Just like any other Bond film.

In a wonderful change from the norm, the opening titles are entirely instrumental theme.

Lazenby plays Bond's character in this film perfectly and is exactly how I imagined him when I read the book. Diana Rigg does a wonderful job as Tracy, and surprisingly, Telly Savalas does a pretty darn good job as Blofeld - sadly better than Donald Pleasence did in You Only Live Twice, aka "keeeell Bond nooooowww"

Sadly, the belief still exists that the film did poorly in the box office, and that the film was unpopular. The film was the second highest grossing film in 1969. Personally I believe that due to the romance in the film and the downer ending (compared to other Bond films), it's unpopular.

Oh well.

007 days of Bond: GoldenEye

After a 6 year hiatus due to financial difficulties at the studio, James Bond was back - this time starring Pierce Brosnan. Excluding the Bonds who had fewer than three films during their run, it's quite interesting that the best film that Brosnan made was his first as Connery and Moore improved later on in their respective runs.

In this outing, James Bond's mission is to explore the destruction of a Russian military base - believing that a device they previously believed to be fictional, "Goldeneye" to be the culprit. Goldeneye is a weapon that emits a strong EMP that destroys all electronics in it's path. He teams up along the way with Natalya Siminova, a survivor from the Russian military base before it was destroyed by Russian General Ourumov and his accomplice, Xenia Onatopp. While investigating a ghost from his past comes back to haunt him.

Compared to his later outings, Brosnan actually seems to be enjoying his role, and plays character like he isn't going through the motions.

The highlight of the film is Sean Bean. His casting was perfect for the role of Alec Trevelyan. Returning is also Joe Don Baker, this time as Jack Wade, a quasi-replacement for Felix Leiter. Robbie Coltrane appears as Valentin Dmitrovich Zukovsky, who reprises his role in the uninspired The World is Not Enough. Alan Cumming plays an incredibly annoying Boris Grishenko, who just happens to have some of the more memorable lines in the film.

Izabella Scorupco plays an iffy Bond girl. She's decent, but it feels like they tried to empower her too much with that mid-90s "girl power", which unfortunately left her with little to work with. Famke Jansen's character is so over-the-top that it passes that threshold of "so absurd it's good."

Certainly the only Brosnan film worthy of this list.

007 days of Bond: For Your Eyes Only

After some utterly ridiculous "world domination" Bond films, it was back to reality in this Bond excursion and it pays off.

This is Moore's only real attempt at a serious Bond film. Octopussy comes close, ignoring the silly Cuba opening and the slap-stick comedy that is played throughout. The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker may have been smash successes, but they stretched Bond to it's breaking point with two back-to-back stories about meglomaniacs who want to kill off just about everyone outside a select few - to begin again.

Karl Stromberg, the main villian in The Spy Who Loved Me is underwhemling and his goal is silly - complete destruction of The United States and Europe. His goal is to being anew in a underwater kingdom - completely blissfully unaware that the radiation that would decimate the world would kill of oceanic life. In the same vein, Hugo Drax is the main villian of Moonraker, and like Stromberg, he wishes to create a new world for a select few. In Moonraker, the goal is to kill off the planet with a nerve agent from a highly toxic Amazonian plant - from Space. The series was at a breaking point - gone were the days of down-to-Earth Bond pictures - Bond was now in Space.

For Your Eyes Only rectified this as they brought the 007 series back to its roots by stripping away the more silly, over-the-top elements, leaving a bond film that almost resembled the literary Bond. The film opens with a relatively somber moment in the series, placing flowers on his dear departed Tracy's grave.

The supporting cast of Carole Bouquet, Topol and Julian Glover are wonderful. Glover, who I've always liked as an actor, plays the role perfectly.

The film revolves around a plausable plot where Bond must recover a British-intelligence communications device (ATAC) from a ship that has sunk in the Ionian Sea. Both Aristotle Kristatos (Julian Glover) and Milos Colombo (Topol) are fingered as the Russian spy. Bond must recover the ATAC before the Russians do.

There are probably only two aspects of this film that I don't particuarly like. The film's score doesn't hold up as well today as it may have in the past. While watching the film many moments scream "Rocky" more than anything else. That's probably because Bill Conti wrote the score to Rocky. Then, we come to Lynn Holly Johnson, the first "bond girl", but not final in the film.

The thing that many people I've talked to about is how the ending seems anti-climatic. It's not - it's perfect. A sublte ending to a (much more) subtle film.

007 days of Bond: The Living Daylights

After over a decade of over-the-top Roger Moore antics, not to blame him, but his era was chock full of writers who just didn't "get" it, it was nice to get back to the basics with Timothy Dalton's Bond.

Dalton's Bond was the first attempt at bringing Bond back to the literary Bond in over 20 years. The film does suffer a bit from the previous era, as the script was written with Moore in mind. There are sequences in the film that are silly, almost mind-boggling odd, mainly a sequence where Bond and Kara are going down a mountain in a Cello.

Maryam D'Abo, while not the typical "striking" Bond girl that many like to attribute to the series, is none-the-less a solid pick in this movie, not bumbling and "damsel in distress" like Tanya Roberts was in the previous outing, which at the very least is a nice change.

Perhaps the weakest part of the entire film is the climax, as Joe Don Baker does not prove to be much of a super-villain. This happens to be the thing that separates this film from many of the other ones, as the main villains are "non-existent" when it comes to screen presence - but in many ways this works to it's advantage since the characters had become so exaggerated that something would have to give at some point. Either the characters would become such a joke that the film would implode, or the writers would realize that the "world domination" plot just wouldn't work.

I can only imagine how this film would have been if Pierce Brosnan had got the job. Scarier things have happened.